Every year more than 30% of people find each other on dating sites. But according to statistics, more than 50% of married couples break up. Just imagine – more than half! And there are only the official statistics. How many people do not file for divorce, continue to live together, but do not communicate or constantly find out about each other? A large number of couples break up before they even get married.
If you imagine the real numbers, what percentage of people really love each other and are happy together, it gets a little scary. It’s just a few. To see this, look at your relationships, your friends, and your acquaintances. How many of these couples do you personally know?
And why is that? Because instead of learning how to build a relationship, we were learning math, physics, and chemistry. Can you imagine how cool it would be if schools had a subject that taught how to build relationships with other people?
It’s the way the system is structured, that throughout our lives we are only concerned with developing our IQ. And we think it’s what determines our success in life. Undoubtedly, the level of intelligence is important to build a successful life.
At the same time, it cannot guarantee success in building relationships with other people. We can only learn from our own and our parents’ experiences. And these experiences often cannot be called positive. What to do in this case?
Develop your emotional intelligence! It is emotional intelligence that determines how happy or unhappy you will be in relationships with others. After all, the strongest friendships and the strongest love are not built on the level of our IQ, but on other things.
On what kind of things? What do you need to do to build happy and strong relationships?
1. Understand and share emotions.
Just because we’ve put all our energy into learning how to “think,” we’ve completely forgotten how to feel. We’ve become afraid of our own and other people’s emotions, so we’ve stopped sharing them. That’s right! It’s easier to discuss the weather, problems at work, and household issuesare “way more important” than what’s going on inside us. That’s sarcasm!
Think back to moments when you felt the most intimacy with your partner. Remember when, after some quarrel, when everyone didn’t understand each other, you began to talk about how you felt? And how everything became immediately clear and easy. When we began to understand why our other half was angry or upset. When we ourselves understood what was going on with us.
2. Understand and meet your needs and those of your partner
What do we need a relationship for? Everyone defines for himself. But, in general, we need them in order to get more pleasure and joy, to be happier than alone.
The simplest and, at the same time, the most difficult question is, “What do I want?”
The answer to that question defines our needs – what we need in order to be content and happy.
Can you talk to your partner about your wants and needs? Can you ask him to help you fulfill them? And what are you willing to do in return?
There are most often 3 patterns observed in a relationship.
When the partner does not know what he wants and needs, so he can’t even talk about it or ask for it. As a result, there is an expectation that the other half should find out for him. But, he can’t do it, and as a result, the relationship is full of disappointment, unfulfilled expectations, and dissatisfaction.